Recently, I have discovered my ex-girlfriend was cheating on me for five years. It was a five year old relationship and during this whole time, she was being unfair.

One fatal afternoon, a day in which the weather was warm and cosy, I called her to have some talking. I wanted to tell her how the development of my book was going on and she accepted my invitation. At that time, we didn't have anything with each other anymore, we were just friends.

In the middle of the news, she began to cry. She said I'm brilliant, sensitive and passionate, and deserved the best girl in the world. I told her we used to have a strong connection when we dated and we have just split up due to different opinions about life.

At this point, she said it wasn't like that. She said she was having a affair with her high school friend during our relationship. It lasted five years, the same time we spend our lives together.

I began to cry. She said she was very sorry and wanted to commit suicide. I did want she died at that moment, and I also wanted to kill myself because life just didn't have any meaning anymore.

But something happened with me at that moment. I realized that somehow her life could have been pretty worst than mine. I remembered she lost her father at the age of twelve. I remember that she said once that she was missing her father so hard...

So, I told her to be calm and not to be worried about me. I said I was very sorry for not supporting her when she most needed me, and that I forgive her. Also, that she needed a male presence every moment in her life and I just couldn't be there for her twenty four hours a day, and that is why she needed another guy to fulfill that vague space of time.

She said I understood her, and she would never do it again. She told me that was seeking a psychiatrist. She said she wanted another chance with me. She said she will love me forever, and that I am the perfect person for her.

-I'm very sorry dear, but I will always be your friend, and I will be there for you as a friend you have never had- I said.

And that is the problem. That happened last week. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't eat, sometimes I get lost inside me... and the question I leave for you all is this:

-Is there any circumstance in which you could forgive and love passionately the person who betrayed you?

(I have a theory that this is a lie, but I'll respond assuming that this isn't.)

To be oblivious to such an event for five years, and to say that this is amazing would an understatement, this is admirable. Truly, a work of art. Either you are extremely easily manipulated or this girl of yours was quite the deceitful one (which, too, is admirable).

Regardless, personally I wouldn't forgive.

I feel compelled to cry foul, really. But that would be uncivil and inconsiderable of me.

First thing you should seek is a good psychologist. A seriously good one. Then work on your path for revenge as you, in the future, are obliged to kill her, you know, to make yourself feel better. I recommend watching Higurashi no Naku Koro ni for reference.
Watch a few good Korean revenge movies (i.e. Oldboy, A Bittersweet Life, etc.). Listen to some good tragic symphonies, preferably by Schubert. And the rest is for your imagination. Have fun.

Man i feel for you aurthur ):

Honestly i could forgive her if it was one year, but five not a chance. I'd just say :S see you around and walk away. FIVE YEARS MAN O__O WTH, how could you not know.

Well...if a guy whom I don't especially love cheats on me, I probably wouldn't forgive him no matter what his excuses are. But if it were someone I love deeply, then whether or not I would forgive this person depends on the circumstances, especially how long he's been cheating and how far it went. If this guy has only cheated once, is truly sorry, and says that he'll never do it again (and means it), then I'd forgive him. But if it happens again, then I wouldn't take him back no matter what. Needless to say, in your case, it's been going on for 5 years, so it sounds to me that everything she's saying is either rebound talk or simply guilt. I believe that if she truly loved you, she wouldn't have done all of this and hurt you, no matter how much she needed "male figures" in her life.

I have to say I have never been interested about discovering if she was being faithful or not. She was just what I needed, she gave me some support when I needed it.

I didn't need any other girl this time. The thing is: I was not concerned about her fidelity, because she was always there for me. I'm quiet person, and I need space and privacy. I like loneliness. But during the time I was not with her, she was with her lover.

Five years. Deceiving me was not her target, but fulfill her desperate needs to materialize her father's presence in another person. Sometime it's was with me, sometimes with her lover. She need deeply a male presence with her twenty four hours a day. I could not stand there for her, and she needed to fulfill it with another person.

I must say I'm seeing a psychiatrist. Actually two, and they are saying I didn't realize yet what is happening. Once I figure it all out, the consequences might be catastrophic.

I suggest the employing of a spy to spy on her lifestyle after this event.
It would be good, especially once the recording of private lifestyle is done, you can upload on the net and be free of guilt.

Nah, jk.

Where feelings are concerned, I think it is just another role in life.
You are too young to be thinking on revenge, and surely just as all young love come to pass, you will one day forgive, unless you are psycho like Agon.

Well 5 Years is sure a long time, i woudnt forgive then 5 years full of lies would show me that my girlfriend dont love me.
But dont feel Down there was sure good times in that relationship and i think thats what is importat that you feel happiness so Head up and go on to the nex relationship ;)
The World is Huge dont let your live ruin because of that i know hat ist as easy as i write here but go just you way and dont let you bother with that.

Well look at it this way, forgiveness is easy, you can forgive anyone, but the hard one is trust, if it's not been truly broken and if you're willing to try trusting again, that's something you have to figure out on your own. There are a couple of other things besides forgiveness and trust to this but I'll leave it at this.

Five years is a long time, but then again we are all human and are all prone to mistakes... She made a mistake by cheating on you... but you made a mistake too cause you didn't notice...

I would say forgive her... but don't forget... I'm not sure about you, but based on my experience, when you forgive, it sets your heart free... and your mind as well... you don't really feel burdened by the thought anymore... what has passed is gone... and it ain't comming back... forgive her and it will free your conscience...

give her a second chance for everyone deserves at least one second chance... think.. if you made a mistake and want to learn from it, wouldn't you like someone to give you a second chance?

tell her not to cheat on you again and keep her promise... but If she does cheat on you again.. then it's her loss.. leave her then.. you have given her second chance and she did not appriciate it...

no revenge, no get backing, just forgive, remember and grow a bit wiser...
so whatever the outcome is, you can be sure you did the right thing...

but one thing is for sure... be on your guard... do not trust as easily.. for if it can violated once.. it can be violated again...

the choice is up to you really... the world is not gonna stop turning and tomorrow will still come... so move on and seek support... maybe your best buddies who can take your mind off for a while...

and i can also bet you one more thing... like a proverb from my country says.. "there is not only one beetle neither is there only one flower in the world" meaning the is not only one guy or girl in this universe... there are many other fishies in the sea and one day maybe 10-20 years from now, you'll look back and think... "what was i thinking?!?!"

oh.. and food for thought... "the greatest gift that was meant for giving is forgiveness. that's why it is called for giving..."

cheer up arthur... =) it might not be easy and it'll really take time, but if you can condition your mind to it... you can do it... remember,tomorrow is a new day...




EDIT: OMG... my post is the longest... i think it's longer that the first post!! do forgive me... i'm a bit talkative...

I don't think I could forgive, for me relationship is build on trust and therefore If you can't trust the person you love then there is no meaning in having an relationship. I think that cheating is the worst thing you can do to a person that loves you if you want to meet someone new then end your old realationship and explain everything that way everything will work out better than if you cheat.

And I don't think anyone should be afraid of hurting the partner since either way you end the relationship or cheat you will hurt the person which loves you. It is a matter of choose the least painful thing.

that's good...
I mean the forgiveness part...
that's really nice of you...
I might do the same...

-Is there any circumstance in which you could forgive and love passionately the person who betrayed you?

Never heard that someone love a person who betrayed him yet...
but I think it's not bad if the person really changes...

Arthur, you've forgiven her.

Don't make that same mistake of dating her again because if shes done it once she's capable of doing it twice.

Besides theres plenty of people out there, come out and taste the flavors

Five year is a seriously long time.....
If I were you this is what I would do.

I'm not a very forgiving person and I would stay mad at her for a very long time or I might even break all connection with her. But as she needs some form of support I would probably help her and stay by her side but I don't think that I would ever forgive anyone who would even think of betraying me and that is the truth. Even if she was lonely at the time when you're not with her she should know better than to go looking for some other guy, instead she should go hang out with her friends or something and she should have told you that she was lonely and try to work something out with you. So I would probably dump her in the end and would probably stay friends with her depending on the situation. She must know that what she did was wrong and should really regret doing it.

But anyway you should do what you think is the right thing to do. Just don't let yourself get manipulated OK. *pats your head*

Hmmm... i gotta agree with almost every one here.Seriously,5 years is a long time.I can understand why you could not forgive her and don't continue your relationship.If i were you,perharps i will do the same thing too.I am not that person that easily forgive people.Hovewer,don't give way to hating.Take all these things as a lesson in the future.

Seeing as I'm in a relationship that's been going on for about that long... I don't know. If my boyfriend lived a similar life (only without his mother) and cheated on me for the same reason and for that long, I would understand and forgive him, but I would just stay close friends as my trust for him would plummet. If my boyfriend were being suicidal about the matter, then completely severing all ties with him would be the very last thing I'd do, as that would just make things on his side worse. That's just me though.

My advice to you is to think about whether or not you should forgive your ex. In either case, try to stay close friends and try to be there for her if she's really feeling suicidal, because letting your anger out on her and severing all ties will surely drive your ex into suicide. Of course I'm no professional, but I'm just trying to give the best advice that a 17 year old on an anime forum can give. D: