Hi Arthur ^^

to start with, im really sorry to hear that, i wish it would have nevr happened T.T. and and, im not good on this things, but i hope i can be of some help ^^

umm, 5 years is quite a lot.. x3
maybe, as you said, she needed someone lse to complte the other day times.. but thats no reason to do that, she could have talked to you or something. Although, she has been through many things.. but that shouldnt be an excuse to do what she did. she can regret it now, and although i would always say leave the past as it is and dont minds it, this case might be a bit different~ i kow its hard, and she really wanted to make things up with you.. but before you do anything, be fully sure she's beign honest now, and that she truly feels for ya~ i dont really want to tell you whether to have a new relationship with her, or just be friends, thats something for you to decide .. but you should always do what you feel its right for you, no matter if people tell you if you should or shouldn't.. what comes from your heart is what matter, and maybe you'll find a place to fully forgive her ^^. but think about it carefully, im not saying its probable or that it'll happen.. but from what you say, she's got quite some problems in her life, and that takes people to do things they dont want to sometimes.. they just need something else. im sure that any decision you make will the the best one for you ^^

just please please please, if you ever think on doing something extreme.. just don't x3.

i hope evrything goes well, and that this helped at least a little bit ^^

Her excuse isn't good enough.

here's my take on it. forgiveness is not something that we should really have the right to deny if someone is truly sorry, but that doesn't mean she deserves another chance, not now at least. what you both need is time. she needs to learn how to deal with the loss of her father and function mentally the way she should. you need time to cope with the stress.

stay her friend, and help her work through her issues, but only be a friend, no more. don't spend too much time with her either. try to ease yourself away from her, and then after you've both had quite a while (years even) to work through your issues make your decision.

denying forgiveness will harm her psyche even more than it already is, but rolling over and letting this pass like she wants will also. she needs to learn that she can't use excuses for infidelity. there are no excuses for that.

you on the other hand need to learn how to stand up for yourself a little more, and pay attention to details. i don't care how careful she was you should have caught on. so you need time to mature and learn what a relationship should be. it's not about having someone there when you feel the need for them, it's about being there for each other when they feel the need for you. it's also about not pushing or pulling on the person in any way. the problem is, this has to be mutually practiced, or it will not work.

so as i said, give it time. you both need to mature emotionally before you get into a serious relationship again.

Well I Know it may be seem that is impossible to forgive him ( If a guy ever does that 2 me)

But in the End I will forgive him
I guess because i have a kind heart and i cant help it but to forgive them. Its like our love was Build on lies. He made everything up just to get me. Just to make me fall in love with him. But sometimes i can get so foolish. I always think that theres a good side in every person. Sometimes I think my theory is wrong but who knows. I believe there is someone out there 4 everyone. You may hit some bumps in the road but never let your self down. To answer your question. I would Forgive him. I wont forgive him because he asked me to or his friends did. I will forgive him because i know i can do better and i don't need a guy to cheat on me. I can do way better then that. Cause when your heart gets broken you feel like everything you believe in was all Lies. But you know, you never really die from a broken Heart, You only wish you did.


"Make sure you fall for HIM. Not for his SWEET LIES..."

No I can't seriously a love betrayal no. Just as you said in your case this girl has a problem maybe because of her fathers lost she needs help but from a specilist not you, a psycology. After that she has to start her life on her own not on depending on men company (that sounds awful). Because if you return with her I'm sure that with that excuse of poor girl , her father died when she was twelve, she will always betray you.

Sorry that's what I think, maybe too hard.

I' not saying to not forgive her but to think about in returning with her. And I'm talking as I know for experience.

Dude I'm not so sure really...I don't think I could ever forgive a person who wasn't loyal...

Like what everybody else said five years is a very long time. I don't know if I would be able to forgive the person, even if there is a good reason.

I feel sorry after I read about your experience, Arthur, but I think that you should go on with your life, try to forget this painful experience and find another person to love. There are still a lot of people out there who deserves to be loved by someone as passionate as you ^.^

-Is there any circumstance in which you could forgive and love passionately the person who betrayed you?

Depends on who that person is. If I really do love him very much, I guess I could forgive him once or twice. But if he's just another normal guy to me, I would say good riddance =p

First, i would like to say that i am sorry for what happened to you and also what happened to her.

To answer your question, the first thing i would say is no. I hate betrayal and will never be able to bring myself to forgive someone that had betrayed me. Escpecially someone i loved and trusted in. Its too hard and i'll be too angry and hurt to fogive.

But, the second thing is i might forgive that person and love that person again (in the POV of relationship like in your situation) if i still really loved him in my case. If i do still want to spend time with him and have a relationship with him again. Although, it might be hard trusting him again...

Hey!

Well, I have theory that your dilemma is all made up and stuff, but ASSUMING this is real, I'll give you some of what my gentle side says.

First you should forgive your ex, after all, this isn't the worst case of betrayal and we're human, so we tend to make mistakes. First forgive her and learn to forgive yourself. First thing you have to know is that depression is actually anger turned inwards. So learn to forgive yourself and everything, cause the crying and not eating is like leading to depression.

If you can't do that, see a psychiatrist...

Sam

5 years you were together and 5 years she cheated on you? where was her love for you? the empty space her father left when he died can't be replaced with anyone in the world, because a father is a father and a boyfriend is a boyfriend, you don't have the same relationship with both, so how could her other boyfriend possibly be there for her to replace the vague space of time? I think that she just needed someone who constantly could be by her side so she wouldn't feel loneliness and sorrow, but she chose the wrong way to do it. Why couldn't she have told you it sooner? you could have discussed things and found a solution. I don't know how you feel about it, you loved her and are now feeling very bad, wonder if there is a meaning with life and such things... but such kind of betrayal... I don't know if I would be able to forgive if my boyfriend did so to me... and even if I managed to do it, I wouldn't trust him, just like you said, we would remain only friends. I don't know... it's so hard, the situation, depending on how good relationship we had, how deep feelings I had for this person... but even so, 5 years are a lot of time, if she did it once, she can do it again, think of the possibilities. If he had told me how things were from the very beginning, I would find the strength to forgive him, but if he had waited 5 years... I probably wouldn't.

I understand what's it's like and i believe that true friendship lasts forever my friend but i feel for you you must do what you think is right even if it's a difficult thing to do you have my support *hugs tightly kisses on cheek*

But yes what she did was wrong a most unforgivable act that's all i can say

I will forgive anyone that betrays me. As long as they do not expect me to continue being friends with them.

5 years is a long long time, but, with you understanding her matters, her deep deep matters, and she too had also filled you up when she was your girlfriend before, so, this isn't really really bad, because, you've already known that she had problems in the past.
A person with a divorced family or something with that sort can result in great negative influence, and they'll eventually be a different being, and they also need understanding. I know you have pains, you may have wanted to kill her when she told you that, but, haven't you forgiven her after you thought of everything she has been through? You're 23 (sorry, I checked your profile, hehe), and boy, you still have years to come! Plus another 5 years,you'll be 28, but before that, I bet you can actually find someone right for you. You should also trust her like you did to this girl, don't have any doubts, but, at the start, you should firstly learn to understand her like you did, and gain both you and her trust, then maybe, as you go deeper, you would want her to be your special person?
Yeah, it's actually like that.

Um, and, if I were you - maybe from my opinion - I would most likely forgive her, understanding her situation as much as you do. For some reason, I think, that God has given me a forgiving personality. I don't hate it, but sometimes, it hurts when the person does the same wrong thing again, but, what choice do you have? Rather than keeping contempt in your heart, which can lead to revenge which you must not commit, ever, no matter how much wrong the person has done, you'll have to forgive.
So, in conclusion, I would forgive her. I would, if I were you. It's a good thing that you are seeing a psychiatrist, two in fact. ^-^. I am sure they can help you, a lot. Um, when you realize it, it might actually be bad. But remember this when you do, do not commit suicide, there are a lot of people out there, and, you can also find your home and your comfort in God, and in friends. ^-^.
So, yeah, I guess that's all. You're a really nice person, you know that? ^_~. Word hard on your book! ^o^

Awww. Gosh. Harsh story.

To be honest, I have no idea. I couldn't tell you unless I was actually *in* that kind of situation.