I overheard this conversation on the radio...the two deejays were debating over this topic: When people are rude to you, should you tell them that they are rude or just ignore them?

Tell them:

If you tell them, you are doing them a favour by teaching them how to respect people and treat them well. However, some might say telling the person that he or she is rude makes you almost the same standard as the person...that is being rude yourself.

Don't tell them:

If you don't tell them and just walk away, you might be spared from a heated argument. However, the person might not know that his attitude was a problem, and they would remain that way until somebody tells them that they were rude...

So, what will you do?

Well, as with many things, it depends on the situation. Most of the time I will try to hint to them that their attitude or approach is not appropriate, but that does not always mean lecturing them on good manners. Walking away is an option as removing yourself from an undesirable environment is quite an obvious solution. But it depends on the situation. If it is a personal offense, I could act in either one of the extremes- direct confrontation or immediately depart. If it is something that is not really that "personal", I may give a light hint... smile to one of my friends who may have also noticed the other persons attitude, or something else less drastic.

Depends on a lot of things I guess, the type of person, how rude they were to you, what the context of the dialog was, whether or not it was something stupid and you know you should just walk away I can't give a definite answer, it all depends and I hate being repetitive but it's true, at least for me - it depends.

Sometimes I walk away sometimes I tell them straightforwardly that that was rude. If it was something that I can just go "meh, whatever" and I know I'll forget it in 10 minutes then I just walk away, but if it's something that was TERRIBLY rude then I'd go ahead and tell them for sure. Sometimes they're so rude it's possible for you to walk away laughing just because it was so funny. For the most part, I just walk away, simply because the majority of the people out there, at my school and at work, are pretty polite, so I don't usually have to make this decision. You do occasionally meet those people, and like I said before, it depends on whether or not it's something worth pointing out.

It would have to depend on how rude they were to you and on what format if you get what I saying. For example were they rude to you in person , on the internet etc. once that is figured out you can move from in knowing what action to take in response to how rude they were to you. -cheers

Well I generally avoid interfering in other's matters even if it is to tell them that they are being rude. Incase it's one of my close friends' who's rude then I'd definitely tell him/her to stop being rude. Otherwise I'm the kind who'll let things be as they are as long as they aren't bothering me. Also certain people take advices the wrong way and mistake you to be the rude one just by telling them so! Plus, there are the sensitive type who'll over react to the smallest of the comments/views. There are also times when people can be offensively rude, that time telling them isn't wrong. That's no way to talk to the other person.

Well, to put in practicality sense, I would definitely choose not to tell them, not everyone enjoys to be told like their are being told by their moms.
That is public humiliation at its very best, and I personally consider that as being rude as well, because no one gives you the right to tell off a grown person.

I do however grumble at the rude behavior young people are nowadays, gone are the days of typing a message on a forum with good and mild manners, although I am no better in that most of the time.

But in real life, that irks a lot out of me.
Don't you just hate it when
- You hold the door open, people walk past you and never say thanks?
- you foot the bill at the bar for your mate and no one says thanks?
- no one uses the word please when they want something from you?

I think that is rude, society really needs to reeducate what is important, morals have to be useful in everyday life, it has to be implemented and a lot of people just stopped observing what is right and what is wrong.

In almost all situations, it's better to keep quiet. As a student, you realize you could hint at someone being mean, but once you enter a highly professional field, you will realize you are better off keeping your mouth shut.

Just like Longbow said, repetition isn't fun, but what should I say? It's true. For me, everything depends on the situation. If someone being rude to me:
1. Physically: I would DEFINITELY tell that person.
2. Verbally: This is the hardest part for me. There're times when I could just laugh at it and walk away, act like nothing happened. But there're also times when it's really bothering me. I WANT to tell them, but unfortunately, I'm a type of person who's really afraid of hurting others. I feel really uncomfortable when I'm aware that someone is offended by something that I say or do. I'm afraid that the person would hate me or stop talking to me, so I usually ends up with making sure that my mouth was shut. Even if I have the courage to tell them (in a situation where that person is really hurting my heart), I would arrange the words and sentences that I want to tell them-for days. I prepare myself well before I confront them to make sure that I'll say it in the politest way.

'Omnidevil

Don't you just hate it when
- You hold the door open, people walk past you and never say thanks?
- you foot the bill at the bar for your mate and no one says thanks?
- no one uses the word please when they want something from you?

I think that is rude, society really needs to reeducate what is important, morals have to be useful in everyday life, it has to be implemented and a lot of people just stopped observing what is right and what is wrong.

I actually don't find it rude for me, but I do agree that saying "thank you" or "please" for all helps that people have done to you is also important in our daily life. One of my friend always write "thanks" in the end of his message. I once asked him why he did that and he said that it's because he wants to inspire people around him to say "thank you". He succeeded. Because after that I started to say thank you more often. I always say thank you for the helps that's been given to me by someone I know like my family, my friends, my teachers, or even a waiter/waitress that deliver the pizza on my table, to the cashier when I'm buying some things, etc. The one that I rarely saying "thank you" is the driver of general transportation. I realize how rare I say "thank you" to them. One day, I tried it and guess what? It unexpectedly brighten up my day! :D I never know that saying thank you could be that pleasant ^^ So I do it regularly now, everyday, to as many people as I can.
Just like my friend's expectation, I hope I could inspire someone who read this to do the same thing :D

Warm Regards,
Yuki

Edit : I just read altjai's post. Well, yeah, there're times when we just have to shut our mouth, don't care how dislike we are about the comment (verbal). There're times when we just have to bear with it. I believe that it usually happens at workplace or sometimes at school.

I would appreciate it myself when someone mentions thanks to me for doing something for them, it really is not the price they offer for my service, heck, it is not even the money or the respect, but it is a simple thank you that sometimes makes it all work.

I once saved a woman from falling off a rope trekking path, she was climbing up and she lost her footing, I was in front and I gave her a pull up.

So yeah, she was up, and she nodded at my direction, and she turned away, must be around 37 years of age, and yet her mentality is no better than a rude 14 year old.

this shows how rooted the problem is, even adults don't understand the need for courtesy, and I wonder how kids would be like in the future, or even now, how would students be like when they are in the professional field?

Would there be one day when everyone greets you at the office:

:"Hey Good morning asshole!"
"Yo, you sonovab%^%h, how was your weekend?"

and I am not talking about the way you talk to your friends from sorority or fraternity year, I am talking about modern educated young men in a work force.

Wanted to create this topic!!

ok..first..it depends on the person that is rude to you..if that person is damn rude i will just tell them that you are rude and if that person cant accept it, FINE..i don't really care if people hate me for that.im just telling the truth..

and some people i know, they will just be more rude if you tell them..so its better to keep quiet with this kind of people...

I don't think a person is being rude by pointing out someone else's rudeness. I think that person is doing everyone a favor. I think people that are rude NEED that little kick in the face (verbal, of course) in order to put themselves in perspective and realize what they're doing. But of course it also depends on the situation. If it's your boss at work, for instance, or customers for the place of business, it's not a good idea to confront them, regardless of how rude they are.

But I like getting into confrontation, actually... especially if I feel that I'm doing the right thing (well, really only when I feel like I'm doing the right thing). I love to ruffle feathers where they need to be ruffled.

For instance, a friend of mine and I were at a restaurant, and the waitress that was serving us was suddenly halted by a high-class, well dressed middle-aged woman, who came rushing down the aisle in an outrage, suppressing a very obvious desire to yell at the poor waitress about why it was that the large party she was with was not given a large enough table. Now, understandably, if you are with a large group of people at a restaurant, you should expect to be accommodated, but this woman had the expression and the attitude that could only be justified by something equivalent of finding a rat running by her feet in that restaurant- which didn't happen... it was a table issue. A simple table issue that was as easily resolved as pulling two tables together (even the woman said this... apparently in trying to degrade this waitress by asking her how hard it was to pull two tables together). I simply couldn't stand this, and stood up and told her that she had NO right to speak to a waitress like this!

I'm not sure if she got the message, since she basically just turned around and walked away, hardly even giving me a second-glance, but the waitress appreciated it (the poor girl looked so scared... ;-; ) and she seemed to be a little less anxious as she followed her to fix the problem.

In my position, I think I had the right to tell this woman she was rude. However, if I was the waitress, sadly, I would have to suck it up, and let myself be yelled at for this stupid reason, and then try and fix it and make the customer as happy as possible.

I think knowing when to balance when to approach a situation like that, and when to leave it alone is important.

But someone else mentioned people saying "please" and "thank you" That actually doesn't bother me all that much... not personally anyway, but what does bother me is when I'm standing in line at a coffee store or something, and people order drinks from the coffee people in demanding ways like "Give me a- such and such" instead of "may I have-" or "I'd like to order...please?" I think it's because I have alot of sympathy for people who work in serving jobs... because it really feels crappy when people expect you to just produce results, overlooking the fact that the person giving you things is a human being. I think it also bothers me much more when people are rude to other people, and not so much when people are rude to me. Because I know I can stand up for myself when I need to, or I can understand situations when I shouldn't stand up for myself... but other people don't always stand up for themselves...

Being asian I get joked at a lot. Wearing glasses doesn't help the situation and getting relatively good grades doesn't either. A lot of people are rude to me on a daily basis but I usually just ignore it because you can just tell they more than likely won't go very far in life. Although I ignore most things when they are aimed towards me, I bring it to people's attention when they are being rude to others. It isn't their place or time to be making unnecessary comments. On the other hand if the situation is that the person had no idea being rude and that they probably had mistaken and you know that they are not usually ones to be like that then yes I would bring it to their attention nicely and they would probably apologize and we'd laugh it off. Other than that I think ignoring things and walking away is the best course of action unless the line is cross. When cross precautions should be taken and a rational conclusions should be thought out rather then enraging and going bonkers and doing something you'll regret that will inevitably doom your future, for example ending up going to juvy takes years off and you end up being marked for life or jail if worst comes to worst. So think being you do something when rude comments are made toward your direction and think it through thoroughly before putting it into action.

I agree with yubinbasyafan (you're really nice :']), timing is important.

To know when you just have to shut up or when to reply is something that we have to learn. Some people aren't good enough in controlling their emotions and end up with saying bad things to others at the wrong time-which could cause a bigger problem. I think we have to be as cold-headed as we can be when we want to tell others how rude they're.

People have different ways of saying thanks. One may expect a thanks to be verbal or atleast very obvious such as a wide smile with possibly some light conversation afterwards though it's not always that case.

To someone, a simple nod or a light smile or even a thumbs up or something along that sorts would be on par with saying thanks outright. It differs and there are some people who rather...don't use common forms because of their preferences or personality.

I do find it slightly annoying when a person doesn't give atleast some kind of acknowledgement to hospitality. In my case I'm like a doorman, usually holding the door for people behind me and almost in all cases for girls- given all of them are within a range of acceptable distance and direction to which also the time of hold is influenced by the situation of the person or persons (I don't mind waiting longer if they're carrying/pushing/hauling a load of stuff or whatever).

Whether or not I'll tell someone to basically lighten up depends on my relation with them. If it's a friend then I'll say something though I'm not one to go in heated and will take a very light understanding almost comical approach to change whatever the cause is of the rudeness. If such are being expressed towards others I'll be more upfront though less like a parent. My directness and strict side comes into play when the relationship is familial or if the situation necessitates it. A few relatives think I'm rather soft-spoken yet are surprised when I pick up my voice and basically "command and demand" then return to being relatively lazy.

I don't encounter many rude people. Whenever I do, it's nonetheless a sore but just something to deal with and move on.

I would not tell them just like I always do cause from experience I found that you can scream till your head falls off some people just don`t listen and always think they are right so I ignore them and slowly make sure I never deal with them ever again