Alright. I've been working on this story for just a month or so but I wanted to get some peoples opinions about it. This is just a part of the story, I can't really say its the beginning, although it sounds like it is. Anyway just let me know what you guys think of it and if you want to know more just message me or something.


I’m not sure where he came from. I can’t even be sure he wasn’t always there; just waiting for the right time to come out. ‘Would you take revenge if given the power? Would you act if given chance? I can give it to you. I can give you release,’ Those were the words he first spoke to me. I say spoke but I didn’t “hear” them, it was more like “felt” them. When did he first appear? When was it that my life changed? Not all that long ago. I guess I should start from the very beginning and to do that I’ll have to start with Her.

It all began when I met her. You know who I’m talking about; that one person that could make your legs buckle with just a whispered word or with a solitary look make you feel like you could join the birds in the sky. I finally found her when I was still in college and after weeks of trying to persuade her to give me even a little of her time she consented to a single date. I pulled all the strings I could manage to prepare for this crucial moment and prepared constantly until everything was perfect. When the time came I picked her up and off we went and all that preparation and forethought I put so much effort into crumbled before it even had a chance to help me. I was embarrassed and crestfallen. Thinking that it was over and that there was no way to salvage this failed attempt she turned to me and flashed the most dazzling smile the world has ever known. It was then that I knew I had found the one, the one that I would cherish for the rest of my life, the one I would live for, the one I would die for. I put my heart in her hands that night and every night after that for a year and a half and she kept it safe there.

I went to her apartment one day, after class. We had a fight the night before and I had felt the need to apologize. I walked in like I did so many times before. ‘Odd’ I thought because the door was open and her coat was still there next to the door but the lights were all off. I flipped them on revealing the room I stood in and my blood ran cold. The room was in shambles. It looked as if a brawl had broken out in there. A sound came from the back rooms, it sounded like a voice. Another answered in short order. ‘No, this can’t be happening. Please tell me she’s okay,’ I prayed silently. I started toward the back rooms, part of me screaming at me to turn and run but the other side, the one I agreed with, told me to find her, to make sure she wasn’t here, that she wasn’t hurt. I eased down the hall, hearing now more clearly the voices coming from the back, from the bedroom, her bedroom. I eased down the hallway, stepping carefully as not to warn the two of my presence.

The door was half open and I could see into the room, I could see on the bed. I could see her and she could see me, or could have seen me for her eyes held no light and the slash across her throat allowed for no breath. The world dropped away from me and I stood in a world of darkness. I could still see her. I just stood there staring at her, at the eyes that I loved so much, at the shape of her face and the color of her hair. I remembered all the times I would just sit and watch her, the way she made me feel complete and whole.

As I stood there, seeing her exposed and lifeless, I felt something snap inside of me. It was an odd sensation. I have felt anger but only as one would feel the heat from a fire, I would recoil as soon the heat became too intense but this time I plunged myself heedlessly into the heart of that fire. I accepted it, relished it, and fueled it with my own being. That’s when he first appeared, that’s when out of that darkness that was crashing in on my soul I heard his voice. He told me that I could have revenge, that all I had to do was to let go and let him slip into my skin. I stood alone in the dark, I heard the two men still talking about what to do with the body. I heard the snide remarks about the “fun” they had with her and how they wished they hadn’t killed her so soon, she would have helped past the time. I turned inward once more and looking into that darkness I spoke my answer, ‘Yes’.

I haven't posted in an immensely long time. I admit that much. jeez, i can't even remember when was the last time i bothered going into the forum, but this one thread with no responses at the moment just caught my eye.

I think that your story is a very intriguing one. I would really love to see how it continues. Interestingly enough i could feel the emotions of the character at the time, the anger flowing through him, and the things he saw in his eyes. Maybe i have a vivid imagination of these things. Who knows.

You've done a great job for a starting. Its definitely what a starting of a story/ short novel should be, captivating and engulfing with interest. Keep up the work, tell me if you wanna continue it. Lol, i wanna know the rest :D

Post this in the Writer's Block group and/or Artist Alley forum, but you'll get better replies if you post in the group. General Discussion is not for posting stories. Read the sticky.

CLOSED.