Would you rather know someone is going to die or lose them unexpectedly?

I always thought it would be better to know in advance. But now, I am not so sure. My grandfather is dying of lung cancer. I've known since October 2005. I am sad about him dying, we are close and he lives in another state, so I can't seem him as often as I'd like. But, mostly- I feel badly for him and for my grandmother.

I always thought, "At least I'd be able to say goodbye this way." But it is hard waiting. Just waiting for him not to be there anymore. It is almost cruel and selfish to say it- but I find myself feeling exhausted by worrying so much that I wish it would all just go away. Even though the last thing I want is for my grandpa to die, for anyone else to be caused pain, or for him to be ill.

Then, I also can't stand the thought that every time I leave somewhere or say goodbye to my parents, or girlfriend, that it could be the last time.

I do believe in Heaven and Hell, so I have little issues with the afterlife. It is just dealing with being left behind and trying to help my friends and family cope with the loss that is so rough.

Would you rather know ahead of time that you were going to lose someone? Or would it be easier for you to cope with it after the fact?

I had similar case few years, back, I was waiting for my grandfater to die of lung cancer,. The waiting was like forever, i quietly cry-d in school, and when the funeral finaly took place i had no more tears left to shed, so i think, it's better not to know, thou i would lik to know when i'm going to die

But as my signature says "Death Is On Its Way"

My grandmother died when I was around 15, she used to live with us and I used to spend a lot of time with her. Whe she died(she died overnight while she was sleeping, unpredicted) I didn't feel anything and I think it's due to the fact that I told her all I wanted to tell her when she was alive so I had no regrets. This has been the only time a person close to me dies.

I reckon either way, expected or unexpectedly, should be easy as long as you don't regret anything. However, I'm a dead that is slow and/or painful must be difficult.

I don't believe in heaven or hell/afterlife nor reencarnation but if you do, then don't think of this as a goodbye but as a "see you later".

I think i'll prefer not to know... cause lets say i was dying I wouldn't want to be thought of differently and have other people worrying... so not knowing and living your lives normally might be my way of thinking it, not that i really know... tho an advantage of knowing before hand is that you'll be able to handle it better possibly... but then waiting during the short time of the person's remaining life span would be a bit unfair on yourself =P

I've never really had great experiences when it came to people dying. I never know what to feel. It's one of the worst feelings I get, cuz I know I should feel sorrow, pain, and sadness...but yet, nothing really comes to me. So I don't really know how to answer this question but, if I must answer, I would say, I would rather know if they're in terrible shape. The worst thing that can happen would be for someone important to dies, while I was in bad terms with him/her. I would want to at least try to make things right with that person before he/she passes away.

I would prefer to know in advance. It's tough when a loved one is dying slowly, but if they die suddenly, the shock is great and terrible: like being thrown into a freezing ocean. At least if you know in advance, there's more time to prepare, more time to reconcile ourselves with the fact that one we love will leave us. I know this from past experience.

I should now, and I wanna know if they're not well. Having to wait can hurt terribly, and watching them slowly waste away can do damages to myself too. but it's better if they'd go swiftly. No pain. Yep, the pain and hurt you'd feel would be unbearable, but it would also go away... just think that we will all end up there...someday.

Wether I knew about it or it was sudden, I'd deal with at the same. Ever since I was little I've viewed death as a part of life. We're born, we live, we die. Some die young, some die old, some die so sudden its not fair, but its garaunteed that everybody dies. Then again, I was only 4 when someone really closed to me died. Other deaths after that were people I wasnt extremely close to. I see the reason to mourn, but not to hold on to it. Moving on is very important... My view could change whenever I loose someone I've known for years and years when I'm older.

My friends dad died very sudden from stomach cancer a couple of years ago. It was detected very late and he got very sick very soon after they detected it. For awhile they thought he might pull through, but as soon as they thought he was getting better he died. In public you couldnt really see any signs of mourning from my friend and her family, except they werent as cherry, but I'm sure they were broken up in private, everyone tried to put on a brave face. A little over a year later I spent alot of time with them and they seemed just fine.


Like I said before, theres only been 1 death in my family in my lifetime that it was of someone I was close to, but I was only 4. Most of the deaths have been on my dads side, which I'm really not close to at all (and dont get me started on my grandma's (dads side) funeral.. ugh people who barely knew her were bawling their eyes out).. and I guess the last death was my great great grandma about 4 years ago, but again she started getting really senile when I was about 10 or so, so she didnt always remember me (but she did alot which was amazing). ... No wait then my dad's dad died a few months ago, butI wasnt able to go to that funeral (and I had only met him a few times in my life because in his later years he was really sick)


To answer your question, I could probably handle a sudden death better then a slower agonizing painful one.

I exprienced agonized waiting twice, both with my grandmothers. It is really hard and painfull, seeing them dying slowly. I secretly wished both times that they die faster, because they are suffering and there's nothing you can do. And seeing my grandpa, still hoping that time that she'll recover, when you know that it's over.
(gosh, it rhymes) I was also kinda greatful that I had time to takecare of them and say goodbye at least...

We don't have to dwell on our sorrow, life goes on for those who are left behind.
And so many happy memories to remember them by.

I havent had someone die yet, but i think it would be better to know in advanced so you could at least say goodbye to them. yknow, get rid of any regrets you have with them before they go. and if its sudden then i think it would hit you a lot harder, because then you would just find out that they're dead and you couldnt say goodbye or spend any last moments with them.

Well... basically we all see people dying slowly everyday. The thing is that it cant be seen, just undestood. Every breath in our lungs is a kind of reminder that counts how much time we have spent. Even now we can guess who will die first or soon...at least, for natural reasons.

I guess I would rather know so I could say goodbye but it doesnt make it any easier espcially if you try to stop it and cant. I have had premonitions of people or animals that I love dying and tried to stop it and couldnt and I felt worse but at least I got to say goodbye on most of them. There is also the aspect that one of the first stages of grief is denial meaning that een if you know you may not believe it until it is too late.

I think I'd rather not know. Because when my aunt died, there was no way of knowing she was going to before hend, so we had fun togeather going to the mall and stuff like that. I was visiting over Christmas, so it was nice.
We went back to Florida, and 2 weeks later she was struck by lightning during a hunting trip. It was really sad, and I was depressed for a while. But I think if I had known somethign bad was going to happen to her, I would have sppent so much time thinking about it and we wouldn't have had such a fun time togeather. But, that's just me.

Death is something that we cant argue about, its something that
everyone has to face sooner or later, sometimes its unexpected
and sometimes we have the idea, yet in both cases its very painfull,
to know.

but most important is that you spend your life without regrets, and
a life that you can be proud of, honest and truthfull, a life spended
for the care and love for others, helping others as long as you livl animalse,
and be thankfull to god for what he has given you.

not to be living in a life that you keep on crying about, worrying
about, if you lived a noble life, then death shouldnt scare you.

ok, i admit that we humans are social animals and are attached
to each other one way or the other, and losing something that is precious
to you, completely tears you apart, but we never cry or wish that a new
baby shouldnt be born. but we cry from the joys of happiness.

thats the truth of life that we have to belive in...............

Would you rather know someone is going to die or lose them unexpectedly?

I think it's better knowing because it allows you to tell & do everything you haven't had the time to say or give;
so you'll not have regrets ...
It's difficult but it's life and nobody can avoid death.
I think you should get the courage in the good memories you have together because if it's hard for you, it's harder for him ...
Everybody has his own way to cope with death and knowing or not before will not change the result ...
Anyway, i think nobody wants seeing others sad of their death ...
Sorry, i'm not good at helping to feel better by writing.
When you see him, show him your better smile so he can go with a good memory & feeling better.