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Fairness
When I was small, I used to be jealous of my younger sister. She is not as good as I am in academics. My parents would then promise her something nice if she improves in her studies. For example, if she gets into the first class next year, she will have a new handphone. However, for me, the requirement is that I get the top three in class. This double standard used to be the topic of my argument with my parents, and I think that they were being extremely unfair.
However, I have grown up now, and I began to see things differently. I think that my parents were actually fair. My sister did not have the potential to be the top 3 in her class, and it would be too much for my parents to demand that of her. And, if I have the potential, it would be fairer that I have to put in the same amount of work, although the results will be different.
What do you think? If you are parents, would you treat your children all the same, and give the same conditions to them in order to get a present? Or you would consider your child's capabilities before making the decision? Which is the true fairness?
However, I have grown up now, and I began to see things differently. I think that my parents were actually fair. My sister did not have the potential to be the top 3 in her class, and it would be too much for my parents to demand that of her. And, if I have the potential, it would be fairer that I have to put in the same amount of work, although the results will be different.
What do you think? If you are parents, would you treat your children all the same, and give the same conditions to them in order to get a present? Or you would consider your child's capabilities before making the decision? Which is the true fairness?
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Parents should always consider each individual aspect of their children when dealing with them. if their children need punished, it should be something suitable for each particular child. if the children need to do something, or should achieve something, it is not right to expect more than thy are able. also parents should never compare one child with another. never say, "why can't you be more like your brother."
when i am a parent i intend to follow these guidelines, but i'm sure i will mess up, i am imperfect. and that brings up another point. if you make a mistake, in front of your child, or in the way you deal with your child, always admit it to the child and apologize. this helps the children to understand the proper behavior when a mistake is made.
when i am a parent i intend to follow these guidelines, but i'm sure i will mess up, i am imperfect. and that brings up another point. if you make a mistake, in front of your child, or in the way you deal with your child, always admit it to the child and apologize. this helps the children to understand the proper behavior when a mistake is made.
9 months 1 week ago
It is the same with my younger sitser but im not jelous anymore because i know for her it will be harder in future.
Parents cant treat their childs all the same because there are all different people, it is hard to say what is fair and what not.
i think it would be fair when they promissed you a present to for something you are bad in then it would be fair
Parents cant treat their childs all the same because there are all different people, it is hard to say what is fair and what not.
i think it would be fair when they promissed you a present to for something you are bad in then it would be fair
9 months 1 week ago
I agree that children shouldn't be compared to each other. Every child should be compared to his earlier self and everyone should have the aim of improving himself. Moreover everyone has other skills and everyone is good in something so they should be scolded and rewarded differently.
I never had trouble with fairness with my siblings, and for some reason, I just didn't care. I probably cared more back then, but now when I look back I couldn't really give a crap. I've grown to not care as many things as I can, so this kind of stuff never happens. If my siblings got a present for their birthday I wouldn't care if I didn't get one for mine, heck nowadays I don't even care about celebrating my birthday.
In your case, your parents were probably making the right decision. It's difficult to see that kind of stuff when you're young because of the low level of intelligence. When kids see something that someone else has and they don't have it they automatically want it. As get older you get smarter and actually assess the situation to see if things are fair.
In your case, your parents were probably making the right decision. It's difficult to see that kind of stuff when you're young because of the low level of intelligence. When kids see something that someone else has and they don't have it they automatically want it. As get older you get smarter and actually assess the situation to see if things are fair.
Yeah I had a similar experience with my older sister. My parents were alot harder on me because I usually got better grades than her. But I never really minded and I agree; You can't really ask the same of all children the same because they are different people. It would be like expecting an nonathletic person to perform at the same level of a future track superstar. It just doesn't work that way.
Yea, I have realised that it's quite unfair to make equal demands of two different people with different abilities. However, when I look at it the other way round, it might even be beneficial at some times. For example, if my parents were to ask that my younger sister have the same achievement as me, she might be induced to work harder to obtain better results...do you think so?
And, talking about fairness in working sectors - if two people are of the same rank in a company, but they have different potentials. The one with less potential works harder, while the one who is better does not work as hard. At the end, their accomplishments are the same. If you are the boss, who will you promote to a higher position?
*I'm sorry to say that I will choose the one who is better but does not work as hard*
And, talking about fairness in working sectors - if two people are of the same rank in a company, but they have different potentials. The one with less potential works harder, while the one who is better does not work as hard. At the end, their accomplishments are the same. If you are the boss, who will you promote to a higher position?
*I'm sorry to say that I will choose the one who is better but does not work as hard*
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9 months 1 week ago
I don't really care what my elder brother and younger sister must do to get the rewards as long as it doesn't make me the fool.
It is like your case,and were like you said.It was just fair if someone with greater capability were demanded to achieve greater results too.Happens to me too,for example,when my brothers get full score for a test,they will be showered with praise and even reward.But me,even if I keep getting full scores on every test,my parent would just say "Keep it up"and thats all.It was due to the fact that I have greater ability than my brothers,so it was just fair.
I wouldn't treat them fair. Why? Because it doesn't exist.
Old Thread on Fairness
The world isn't fair. No matter how we try there will not be fairness or equality.
People just strive for equality and fairness, but there is a responsibility as an parent to teach our children that some day they won't be treated fairly. That reality is what reality was and that no matter how we attempt this equality it will never be there.
Old Thread on Fairness
The world isn't fair. No matter how we try there will not be fairness or equality.
gogotheeFairness in its basic means is equality in results to work used to achieve it. A fair world would be that everyone would get the rewards for their hard work. But really, humans are not ones to do hard work. Even if it was totally fair, people would still be unsatisfied and the world would still be a sad place. Humans in general are a very competitive race, make sense, Darwinism. Thus, humans always want to get the most results to their work, thus humans don't want to be fair. We want to be favored not just.
People just strive for equality and fairness, but there is a responsibility as an parent to teach our children that some day they won't be treated fairly. That reality is what reality was and that no matter how we attempt this equality it will never be there.
On the Gates to Hell inscribed-
Through me you enter into the city of woes
Through me you enter into eternal pain,
Through me you enter the population of loss.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
~Dante's Inferno
Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee.~Ernest Hemingway
9 months 1 week ago
Yes, I'm with you when you say that the individual abilities of a child must be considered first. Otherwise it'd be like forcing a leg amputee to figure-skate, just so that he or she can be like "the older sibling".
The situation applies to me and my brother, see. My parents would be disappointed (we don't get punished for our grades) if I the next year I didn't show up in the best class, or if I didn't get any honors in a quarter, but in my brother's case, we're all overjoyed if he doesn't get any marks below failing. XD
Also, sometimes it's not about a child's individual abilities, but the interests. I don't think it'd be fair if, for example, you forced two children two take piano lessons when only one is interested; even if the other has the ability to surpass his sibling, but doesn't have his heart in it, you can't expect him to succeed or meet the parents' expectations.
The situation applies to me and my brother, see. My parents would be disappointed (we don't get punished for our grades) if I the next year I didn't show up in the best class, or if I didn't get any honors in a quarter, but in my brother's case, we're all overjoyed if he doesn't get any marks below failing. XD
Also, sometimes it's not about a child's individual abilities, but the interests. I don't think it'd be fair if, for example, you forced two children two take piano lessons when only one is interested; even if the other has the ability to surpass his sibling, but doesn't have his heart in it, you can't expect him to succeed or meet the parents' expectations.
If and when I ever have children, I'm going to base my actions based on their individual abilities. That said, I'm not going to be more lenient with any of my children, if I have more than one; I'm simply going to be more strict in some areas more than others, but it's the same with the other children. They will be rewarded based on their abilities, and that goes for all of them, despite how different they might be.
I have two siblings, a twin and a little sister. Generally I tend to disassociate myself from my younger sister, she lives her own life with her own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, etc. We get along rather well at times, but I don't recall ever being jealous of her in any way. Perhaps my twin, she's pretty smart, so there's competition in a way. However, we're both eighteen, so we don't really worry about parents intervening as much anymore. =P
I have two siblings, a twin and a little sister. Generally I tend to disassociate myself from my younger sister, she lives her own life with her own likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, etc. We get along rather well at times, but I don't recall ever being jealous of her in any way. Perhaps my twin, she's pretty smart, so there's competition in a way. However, we're both eighteen, so we don't really worry about parents intervening as much anymore. =P
There indeed is no fairness in life. Just look at nature. The concept of fairness exists only in the mind, to help everybody get along while not hindering each other in their individual selfish pursuits (we are all selfish in nature, you cannot deny this)
9 months 1 week ago
Man, my parents are exactly the same. my younger brother gets praised by my parents if he gets 80% and when i get 80s they say why isnt it a 90. after reading your post it kinda makes sense how my parents treat our grades. but i think my brother can be smarter than me, he is so friggen lazy...
I think that every child should be judged on the basis of their individual skills but at the same time, they should be encouraged (gently and positively) to get better. And if their other siblings are performing better than them, the parents should try to encourage the child to be more like the sibling.
Me, my dad would tell me (when i was young) 'if you come in the top 10, i'll get you something nice'. I did that, didnt get anything but a statement 'no no , you need to be in the top 3'. I knew that i couldnt do that (There used to be tough competetion in my class at that time) and i gave up at that point. Told my father point blank that i couldnt do that and that i didnt want anything from him.
I just set my own personal target of being in the top 10% of the class and or acheiving 80% and more marks/grades. Thats good enough for me. I know that I cant be as good as my older brothers who used to have excellent marks and now it doesnt bother me that much
Me, my dad would tell me (when i was young) 'if you come in the top 10, i'll get you something nice'. I did that, didnt get anything but a statement 'no no , you need to be in the top 3'. I knew that i couldnt do that (There used to be tough competetion in my class at that time) and i gave up at that point. Told my father point blank that i couldnt do that and that i didnt want anything from him.
I just set my own personal target of being in the top 10% of the class and or acheiving 80% and more marks/grades. Thats good enough for me. I know that I cant be as good as my older brothers who used to have excellent marks and now it doesnt bother me that much
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