__THISRES__86808.jpg "What Exactly Is Pink? by °dalarty 3 weeks 21 hours ago")
Waiting of A Lonely Heart
1 Page: [ 1 ]
Waiting of A Lonely Heart
If this was deep underground,
I have never wish the sun to shine...
If this was total darkness,
I have never wish the light to come...
If this was whe end of the world,
I would have wished to just die...
I always felt useless...not needed...
Still, you were always there
to comfort and assure me...
You were standing infront of me
Slowly you walked towards me
and held me in your arms
Saying 'it's alright, don't worry, I'm here...
I'll not go..I promise...'
I looked up at you...
Not sure if I should smile or not
But I smiled...my real smile...
and hug you tightly
You smiled too, I know...
'Thank you...for being there...
I've waited long enough...
thank you...'
~~~~~~~
So guys what do you think? Pls tell me, it'll help a lot to know your comments..teehee ^_^
If this was deep underground,
I have never wish the sun to shine...
If this was total darkness,
I have never wish the light to come...
If this was whe end of the world,
I would have wished to just die...
I always felt useless...not needed...
Still, you were always there
to comfort and assure me...
You were standing infront of me
Slowly you walked towards me
and held me in your arms
Saying 'it's alright, don't worry, I'm here...
I'll not go..I promise...'
I looked up at you...
Not sure if I should smile or not
But I smiled...my real smile...
and hug you tightly
You smiled too, I know...
'Thank you...for being there...
I've waited long enough...
thank you...'
~~~~~~~
So guys what do you think? Pls tell me, it'll help a lot to know your comments..teehee ^_^
#118046 Quote Report Edited by θtrismugistus 3 years 1 month ago
......Envy one of the Seven Deadly Sins and a Homunculi.......
3 years 1 month ago
Wow. I really like this poem, I can really empathize with it. I've felt that way before so i think that's why it really enjoy it. If i had to take an objective look at it i'd say that it's very dark and emotional, something i tend to link with teenage angst, however i do enjoy the transition from depression to a kind of hope and joy.
Thanks again for the nice comment there! really appreciate it! ^_^
......Envy one of the Seven Deadly Sins and a Homunculi.......
It's a nice poem :)
u express yourself rather well...
i rather like the happy note at the end...well..not exactly sunshine happiness but a ray of hope...
nice touch there...it's good...
it's not really my kind of poetry but i like it ..
it's a good start..
hopefully we'll see more of your works =)
u express yourself rather well...
i rather like the happy note at the end...well..not exactly sunshine happiness but a ray of hope...
nice touch there...it's good...
it's not really my kind of poetry but i like it ..
it's a good start..
hopefully we'll see more of your works =)
Of course you'll see more! thaks for the comment!
......Envy one of the Seven Deadly Sins and a Homunculi.......
Nice poem, but doesn't this belong in the Artist Alley section? You might get more comments if it's in the right section.
EDIT: There we go. Now it's in the right place.
EDIT: There we go. Now it's in the right place.
#118138 Quote Report Edited by *hopeknight 3 years 1 month ago
I realy like it as well, it really makes you think ^_^
Another well done poem (I read your second one first). However, I was a bigger fan of your second poem that you posted. It seems that free verse poetry is more your style than trying to find a traditional way of writing. That isn't necessarily a bad thing since it makes each one of your poems original. Like I stated on the other, watch how you use your commas and periods. In the first stanza you switched on the last line to a different tense from your previous lines. Keep it fluid. Each line must go with the next and with the next with each stanza. Changing something like tense will make a reader stumble over the line which will cause the message of the line to be lost. Otherwise, another good entry and it is good to see another poet post their works on here. Keep up the good work!
3 years 1 month ago
wow this soo nice man....dude......grt way to express your self...welllllll improvements always come with practice....ill be cheering for ya...keep em comin... :wave:
wow this soo nice man....dude......grt way to express your self...welllllll improvements always come with practice....ill be cheering for ya...keep em comin... :wave:
gee thanks for the nice comment! ^_^ i'll keep em comin! ^_^
......Envy one of the Seven Deadly Sins and a Homunculi.......
1 Page: [ 1 ]