I've been thinking alot about finding a girlfriend lately .. I feel so lonely, empty, emo .. whatever you wanna call it . I feel like I need to find someone to spend my time with , share everything with them. The problem is I can't get a girlfriend ever since highschool. I already asked 2 girls out ( on msn , yeah I know I'm shy ) in past 2 years and both rejected me. The ones I can be friends with and can talk to easily are the not so pretty looking ones ( YES I'm quite shallow ). The pretty ones are the ones that attract me but it's kinda hard to talk to cuz I get really nervous when I see one. I know personality is very important when finding a soulmate ( and I learned it the hard way ) but I just can't see myself with an un - attractive looking girl with a good personality. I don't wanna force myself into a relationship that I cannot commit to and regret later. I have way too many regrets . I know that not all pretty girls have bad personality , but the pretty ones with good personality are mostly taken !! I also know that everybody would grow old & gray 1 day .. so looks probably won't matter then , but for now and 20 years later to come it does matter to me . I guess I'm very picky when it comes to girls. Maybe that's why I'm still single. I want to find one ASAP so I can share my life with her more. I'm hoping this whole paragraph makes sense !
So .. yeah guys can you help a shallow guy out ? hahaa thanks for reading

It sounds like you're in the same boat as me. I'm quite shallow and have high standards when it comes to guys, and as a result I've been single for the past four years.

But from experience, all I can tell you is be patient and wait. The right person will eventually come along; sometimes it just takes a little while.

Cherry-Soda is right. You can't rush into a relationship and expect it to last very long. And looks are important in a way, first impressions and all. But we cant be so picky when choosing someone but i guess thats a matter of preference. You could try to overcome your shyness. Its a step forward as girls would like a boyfriend who is confident about how he feels about her and everything else. Not cocky; there's a difference~

But yes, as Cherry-Soda rightly said it does take time to find someone. You just have to be patient. Its not a matter of life and death; being single has its pros and cons as well. Either way as long as you're happy its fine. But good luck in finding that special someone!

I can share that feeling. And I'm a very quiet type so it's basically hard for me to talk to anyone at all. As for my standards, they aren't _that_ high, I think. To me she doesn't have to be extremely beautiful (but it's a plus xP). Though I care more about the personality.
You know, in the end, even if he/she's ugly, you could love him/her anyways because you like the whole character. Though it's def. easier if they look good. I've seen some ugly people, but once you get to know them, these peeps are usually the kind side of the society >< So it's either one or the other. A mix is possible or even a lot of both, and when I find that kind of girl... I'd go crazy :/

But yeah, easier said than done, since I'm kinda quiet, and I usually tempt to only like quiet types. So it'll be hard to find that contact, but the best thing I can do is wait. And I think the same applies to you :) In the meanwhile, I'm gonna look for a distraction, like a pet or something, even if it's just a goldfish (And yes I'm serious, loneliness is boring! :()

(edit:typos ><)

Mmm this is a tough one...cuz frankly...i just dont see the point in getting a GF (yet...)

Well, i guess the first thing you can do is try to get used to talking to pretty girls so that you can be close to them then when your close, ask em out or something (you take it step by step..if you know what i mean). And perhaps, uhhhh...improve yourself?

Ok...dont take my advices seriosly cuz i for one am a total NOVICE at relationships. As for improving yourself...uhhh do what i do. Do about 100 sit ups and about 30 push ups a day (if you cant, start at like 20 sit ups then 5 push ups). Then be the top of the class. LOL! and get a hair designer to fix your hair up XD

Ur gonna look good, got the brains, also the body...girlz will find you attractive

or

"Only time will tell"

and as I said...im single. Single RULEZ!

Aww, i am sorry to hear that. (T ^ T)

Since i am a girl, i would know what a girl wants in a guy.

- To be approachable, you have to seem confident
- You have to try to talk more
- Maybe try to ask a question to the girl (like if you needed help on something)
- Since you are the quiet/shy type, maybe you should write a note to her and ask her to hang out (only if you know her, but not to some total stranger xD)

Well, i hope my advice will help.
If it doesn't, i wish you luck on getting a girlfriend soon! v(^ - ^)v

I think you are putting way to much stock in how a girlfriend is going to dramatically improve your life. Perhaps the reason you can't find a girl is because you are unhappy with who you are. Women can sense when a man is uncomfortable with himself. I would venture to guess that most women would agree that confidence in a man is one of the top qualities that they seek in a mate. Rejection is a bummer but unless you put yourself out there a romantic relationship will never happen for you. You also describe yourself as a shallow person. WHY? It is okay to want to be physically attracted to your mate, it is okay to be attracted to pretty girls. That is the way males are programmed, to respond more to visual stimuli, no shame in that. My suggestion would be to start out first by approaching women who you may not find as physically appealing or intimidating and as you gain experience (which inspires confidence) in how to talk to, flirt, and interact with females than you will finally be able to approach your ideal woman. Only a few women actually bite and most of those are probably in jail anyway, so get out there and show the ladies what they have been missing.

I can relate to how you are feeling, but you should not put to much energy into finding a girl friend. It is not the end of the world if you do not have one or not. But if it is that important you should just try to talk to them. Don’t ask them out just talk to them. There are a lot of girls out there that are in the same boat, they can\not talk to a guy just because they are too shy. And talking, can help anyone, as you talk you get more confident and comfortable, and that makes it easier on you both. As for your standards that your problem, if you put the bar so high you are just hurting your self. I am not saying I don’t have standards myself. But if they are all about looks then be prepared for a lot of heart aic.

First, I think your assessment of your shallowness isn't entirely correct. You seem to separate physical attraction and personality attraction, which is a separation that i don't think exists. You may draw the line between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, but in both scenarios, it's really a combination of attitude, physical features, and personality. My point is, you may want to explore girls who don't seem that attractive to you at first. Just because you don't think they're pretty at the moment doesn't mean they won't pull at your heart strings some day. You may want to spend a little more alone time with them and see how it goes.

Second, I think you're looking for too much in a relationship right away, like totoro said. Sharing everything right away is probably not a good idea. Obviously, talking and getting to know each other a little is nice, but more important than sharing your pains, worries, and philosophies, is giving her a sense of your personality. You might want to focus more on having fun of a slightly more exciting variety than simple conversation alone. In other words, you might want to take a more relaxed approach and think with the immediate future in mind.

Finally, a random girl won't know that much about another girl's weaknesses. Not much more than a random guy you might ask, so don't trust a girl's advice just because she's a girl :p.

I think it all depend on how quickly you want a girlfriend. If you want personality then you cant be looking at beauty. If you want beauty, you can mostly forget about personality. I'm not saying that there are no beautiful girls with great personality, cause there are but they are really hard to find. But overall, i think you need a good friend not a girlfriend because you seem to have a lot on at the moment. When you resolve your own loneliness, the shallow part of you might disappear and you will realize that many girls around you are beautiful each in their own way and thats when you will be able to find the right girlfriend.

Can I write here? Because you only seem to be particularly addressing to the guys[i] here.

Ok by reading your paragraph I have come to feel that you are kinda of desperate or in a hurry for a girl friend. As other members have said, patience is the only remedy because these things don’t grow on trees or anything & since you said that you want no regrets so you better be careful in picking out a girl friend. Ok even though I am a girl but lemme tell you something that girls can really hurt feelings sometimes so first test out the girl find out if she true or faithful & don’t jump to conclusions! Especially when you are looking for pretty girls.

[i]All that glitters is not gold.
Looks can be deceiving.
Never judge a book by its cover.

These quotations may seem stupid & useless but can come very handy.
& remember relationships take time. It takes time to fall in love too & give the other person time to prove herself.

Thank you for all your responses. I feel a bit better after reading them. I guess I forgot to mention I used to have a girlfriend for about 3 years. She was very pretty , beautiful on the outside .. and not so pretty on the inside. During those 3 years I depended my happiness on her. I chose to spend all my time with her whenever possible , while neglecting my friends. Anyways we broke up almost a year ago and she found someone new less than 2 months . And now I feel like I'm stuck in time, not moving forward ..

Girls don't want someone who is shy even they say it's cute, it's a lie. My last girlfriend was about 3 years ago but I didn't really care either. I know your problem and I know the awnser. I shall send a mail to you, it helped me.

Kibas333

Girls don't want someone who is shy even they say it's cute, it's a lie.

That's not necessarily true; I love shy guys. :)

I find them more approachable, and usually shyness signifies that the guy has a sweet, gentle side which - personally - I find very attractive.

A lot of girls do like shy guys because they think its cute, however, there is a point when it stops being cute and more annoying. The point is that you have to break out of that shyness to keep their interest and show that there's more to you than what she sees.

Don't be desperate. Even if you find a girl that fits your standards in terms of look, you can end up in a relationship that you can't commit to or will regret, and you've already stated you don't want something like that.

Being too shallow means you can overlook a girl who would have been perfect for you. A great personality can overcome attractiveness if you both really click together. Plus there's always the fact you both can go and work out together and make yourselves look better.

In terms of approaching a girl...laughter is the language of the soul. Make 'em laugh. XD But don't try too hard. If your still nervous about one-on-one then try making the group laugh. Invite some of your friends and their friends and work from there. Laughter is contagious then you can single out the lady after that. Though remember, what you find funny may not be true for the girls so be careful. Never force it.

If that's not you then bring up stuff you like or don't like. Have variety in your conversation. You're bound to strike up similiar interests.

Even if your nervous through and through , the key is to be approachable even if you don't say anything at all. Smile, be light, be friendly. That way they know atleast your open for conversation.

Take the initiative. Girls like that.

Be yourself. Honesty. Not brutally honest, but honest nonetheless.

Never tell a girl your shallow or your preferences for that matter unless they ask and even them you don't want to sound shallow. You have to really comfortable with a girl to tell them that.

And don't ask a girl out over IM or anything...do it in person. It'll build up confidence even if they turn you down and it leaves an impression on the girl since you had the guts to tell her in person.

Overall, it takes time. You can't just pick up the phone and instantly get a girlfriend fitting your desires let alone someone you want to share everything with. It's not that easy.