Okie dokie just remembered another here we go again...

One Day in class a teacher says " Ok its story time anyone have a story they would like to tell?" So a little girl raises her hand and the teacher calls on her and says "ok amanda you can go ahead and tell the class your story."
So the little girl says" well one day me a and my family went to a farm and got fresh eggs and put them in a basket. on the way home it was kinda bumpy and the basket fell over and all the eggs broke." The teacher then says " very good and what would the moral to that story be?" Amanda said " well... i guess it would be not to put all your eggs in the same basket." The teacher replied " very good amanda, now any one else have a story they would like to tell?" another girl raised her hand. so the teacher says " ok becky you can tell the class your story."
So Becky started "well i live on a farm and we raise chickens there and one day one of our chickens laid 12 eggs. when it was time for them to hatch only six hatched." the teacher commended her and said " very good and what would the moral of the story be?" becky replied " well i geuss it would be not to count your chickens before they hatch." the teacher said " very good your right. anybody else have a story to tell?" no one raised their hand. so the teacher then said " ok well if no one is going to volunteer then i'll just pick some one. Billy you tell us a story."
So billy reluctantly started talking " Well my uncle Buck was a helicopter pilot back in the vietnam war and one day he got shot down. On his way down he took a quick invetory of what he had and he saw that he had a 40 oz. of jack (whiskey) an M-16 with 3 clips and a machete. So he downed the whiskey before he crashed and the bottle broke once he landed he got his barings and started heading toward freindly territory wich was 50km away on the way he met up vc so he used up his ammo first and shot 60 charlies dead. Once he ran out of ammo he tossed his gun aside and took out his machete and killed another 150 charlies before the blade broke. with nothing left he killed another 75 V.C's with his bare hands before he was able to reach friendly territory." once billy stopped talking he sat down. the teacher stunned looked at him and blurted out " what could possibly be the moral to that horrible story?!" billy looked at the teacher and replied " well i guess the moral would be don't mess with my Uncle buck when he's drunk."

Nother quicky:

why doesn't the pollish navy have any subs?

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cuase they kept forgetting to close the screen doors and they all sank.

Eh one more

how do you confuse a pollock ( or blonde for that matter)?

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put them in a circular room with 4 lines on the wall and tell them to pee in the corner.

How do they confuse you?

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they come back and say they did it.

Ok so i lied nother one

So one day a blonde decided to go horse back riding so she finds one and mounts up. she started out and it was really fun it was going at a nice pace. then it started to speed up and it started to go from exciting to scary, as the horse started to run faster and faster semmingly out of control. the blonde was having trouble staying on the horse and soon found herself slipping underneath the horse and getting her head hit on the ground as the horse kept galloping. the blonde thought that she was done for as she started to feel herself loose consciousness. just then the walmart greeter runs out and unplugs the horse.

ZOMG!!!that sure are lotsa jokes!!!it took me several hours to read em all cause i was laughin for almost 15' once and then had to send em and tell em to my friends!!you are amazing Gil! i have some chu ^^
so there is a trial goin cause a guy is suin another guy for throwing a fridge on him from the third floor and brekin his leg!
First comes the guy is bein sued and says:
Your honor i came back yesterday from work early and find mine wife all dressed up with a shocked expression so i say where is he?!and suddenly realise that there is a guy outside running with his underwear so i get the fridge and throw it on him it's too bad that i didn't get that freak and only broke his leg!!
Then comes the who is suing and say:
Your honor yesterday i was jokin in my underwear like i do each morning and suddenly this psycho throws that fridge on me and almost killed me.
Then judge calls the witness who comes covered with bandages and broken legs-hands and he says:
So your honor i was sittin in the fridge when......

did you get it did you??(X)XDDDDXDDDXDXD

Yeah lol.......Not much but i get it..Oh man dude your seriously funnyy...ANd your joke was also funny woot....!!

LOL thats great christy ok after a long absence heres my latest

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was
lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen
for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Jew sitting
beneath a tree.

"Is there some place ahead where we can get food?"

"Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I
wouldn't go up that hill und down de udder side.
Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree."

"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.

"Yah, a bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I
vouldn't lie to yew I vouldn't . I vouldn't go dere."

The leader goes back and tells his people what the
old Jew said. "So why did he say not to go there?" a
person asked.

Another pioneer exclaimed, "Oh, you know those
Jews -- they lie just for a joke."

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the
other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from
everywhere and massacre all except the leader who
manages to escape and crawl back to the old Jew.

Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us
to our deaths! We followed your route, but there was
no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killled
everyone but me."

The old man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a
minute." He quickly picks up an English-Yiddish
dictionary and begins thumbing through it. "Oy, I made
such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree
"It vuz a ham bush."


sorry that was rather corney but i'll try to have better one next time =P

Soorry guys i've been letting yall down by not posting joke just havn't heard/thought of too many but here's one to tide you over till my head gets back on straight.

what do you get when you cross the atlantic with the titanic?

SPOILER (click to view)

Halfway =(

I am gonna read them later

Lol read them all...too little!

Im sorry i've been slacking on my duty when i get some more time ( middle of this week) i'll try to have a few more.

buts heres one till then a little off colored maybe i dunno

why where there so many african americans killed in the vietnam war?

SPOILER (click to view)

because when the officer yelled GET DOWN they all started to dance.

Ok one more i remember also could be taken as a bit off color.

why weren't women allowed in combat for so long?

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a woman would yell "I'm bleeding!"

so the commander would yell " MEDIC!"

and the woman would say " No i just need a tampon."

kk ill try to have some better ones soon.

So have you guys heard of the DAM organization

No? oh well its a very good cause its the Mothers Against Dislexia.

support em if you can =P.

sorry that was a really old one i remember from way back in 8th grade figured i 'd try that one out here, it's better face to face though. =P

Kk nother i gots

Whats the difference between a fox and a dog?

SPOILER (click to view)

About three drinks.

Ok so a bus pulls up to a stop and a lady was going to get off as a man was trying to get on. so being a gentleman he decided to step aside and let the lady go first. The man looked at her and said " um er uh " not being able to say want he was wanting to say. as he was stumbling for his words the bus left the two of them at the stop. the lady looked at him and said " well the bus left you, so what was so important that you had to tell me?" the guy finally got his words together and told the lady " Ma'am your breast is hanging out of your shirt." the lady looked at him and yelled " OH NO MY BABY!"