SO a guy is siting on the bus and all the seat are take up so a lady that just got on goes up to a man and asks " Can i have your seat" and the man replies " Sorry but no." the lady then asks " will you give up your seat to a tired pregnant lady?" the man the says " Oh! well you didn't look pregnant but by all means take my seat please." So 15 minutes go by and and the man asks " so how long have you been pregnant?" the woman looks at her watch and says " oh for about fifteen minutes and boy am i tired!"

K so not so much or a writen joke but funny none the less atleast i think =P

Kk nother corny one i got from my pops

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from
the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole
the
paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his
van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
the
make such an obvious error, he replied,


"Monsier that is the reason I stole the paintings.
(keep going...)


I had no Monet ...


to buy Degas ...


to make the Van Gogh" ...


See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone
else.


I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing
Toulouse.

Hehe i liked this one, hope yall do too.

One dark night in The small town of Garfield , NJ, a
fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a
blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm
went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

W hen the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on
the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the
fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage
recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved. I will donate $50,000 to the fire
department that brings them out and delivers them to
me."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in because
the situation became desperate. As the firemen
arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to
extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the
fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as
another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire
engine of the nearby Passaic, NJ volunteer fire
department composed mainly of Italian firefighters
over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire
engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed
fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove
straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the
other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old
timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a
performance that was as if they were fighting to save
their own lives Within a short time, the Lodi old
timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret
recipes.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully
announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he
was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to
personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian
firefighters.

A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on
film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire
chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the
70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do
isza fixa uppa de brakes on that <dumb> truck!!"

K so i don't really like one political party too mush over another, think that all the world would be better with the whole lot of them dead but i thought this was good.

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton, Barack
Obama, and John Edwards were flying to a convention.

Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, 'You
know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out right now and
make somebody very happy.'

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, I could
throw ten $100 bills out and make ten people very
happy.'

John added, 'That being the case, I could throw one
hundred $10 bills out and make a hundred people very
happy.'

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and
said to his co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there'. I
could throw all of them out and make 156 million
people very happy.'

Nother political one

One day an old preacher is laying on his hospital bed waiting to die. SO he called to his doctor and asked him if he could do him one last favor befor he died. The doctor said that he'd see what he could do, so the preacher said to the doctor that he wanted to see Hillary and Obama before he left this world. The doctor called both of them up and they both jumped at the chance to see this old preacher thinking that it would be great for their campaign. So both hopped on a jet and got to this preacher as soon as they could. when they walked into the preachers room he asked obama and hillary if they could come and stand by his side, they complied. Then Obama asked the preacher "why did you have us stand by your side father?" the preahcer replied " Well i've lived my whole life trying to follow in the footsteps of christ as close as i could so i wanted to die like christ as well with two lieing thieves at my side."

i like it cause you can insert any name you want in the joke its great when they are flexible like that =P