Ok I have a lot of s*** to get of my mind... where to start? I know and its the single reason I cant live with my mother any more... but you wont understand unless I explain some stuff.

ONE MY LIFE HAS SHATTERED. I used to be thinner. I used to be a Christan. I used to be not lazy. I used to be a lot of different things... and now I don't know. I came to several shocking realizations. Like God, or rather Jesus, has never done anything for me or my younger brother. And he came to that realization before me. And for this I absolutely cannot live under the same roof as her again... maybe in short bursts. But not for a while. I haven't completely given up on religion yet though. I'm gonna dabble in a few things first.

I LIKE TO BELIVE THAT MY LIFE SHATTERED ONLY ONCE BUT THAT IS A LIE. The first time was when I was still living with my mom and step father. Now its all my fault. Straight my fault. LOL. My life I put back together shattered again when today I realized that I don't believe in Jesus.

THIS IS PROLLY NOT THE PLACE FOR THIS. But I gotta let this cat out of the bad or I cant pick up all the pieces of my life and inevitably life my life again. But mom. I don't believe. I'm sorry. I'm sure your watching this from Namo's Computer screen. But mi actually sorry.

If my friend doesn't mind I'm gonna try his religion for a while and stick with it only if it works for me. I'm fairly certain it will. I hope.

ANY WAY. That is why. And it prolly doesn't make any sense. But its my life and only I can interpret it.

To any one that read this. Thanks for listening. Or reading. I'm not seeking pity. Just trying to put my life together. And get this cat out of the bag before it rips a hole in my head. LOL.

I guess the bottom line is... I HAVE A PRETTY F***ED UP LIFE. I do. And I'm working on it.